Malfoys do not get sick
by Blonde Dragon
Summary: ON HIATUS (officially) "Ahchoo!" "Bless you." "…I sneezed." Yes, yes you did. Maybe we should get inside, hmm?" "…I don't sneeze. Malfoys don't get sick." SLASH!HPDM.


**_Malfoys Do Not Get Sick  
_**Blonde Dragon

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**Disclaimers:** I own a lighter, cigarettes, and a large Pepsi. I do not own the characters used, that would be J.K.Rowling. It is by her grace fanfiction writers are allowed to write about her world and characters.  
**Author Notes:** The events in the HBP do **not **affect this story. This story is set after Voldemort's inevitable demise, and also with Draco and Harry living together. I'm a sucker for the HPxDM relationship, I can't help it! They may seem a little Out of Character, but I'm hoping it doesn't put anyone off! Many thanks to my beta Lone Wolf55 for helping me with this.

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_Malfoys do not sneeze._

That was the first of the Malfoy rules Draco broke that day late in September. The day was pleasant enough, the wind was crisp but not cold, the sun was still shimmering overhead to remind everyone that Fall was just the end of Summer. The leaves were in full swing of their color changing.

It was this leaf-color-changing that, in fact, had him outside. Though one wouldn't suspect it from his school-time, Ice Prince of Slytherin demeanor, Fall was Draco's favorite season. Beneath the pale, cold exterior beat the heart of an artist. The way the leaves changed subtly from one color to the next was something he hadn't been able to witness in a long time. Since the threat of Voldemort was gone, the threat of his father gone, and the old rivalry gone between himself and Harry laid to rest, he was able to finally enjoy the leaf-changing in the blissful arms of his boyfriend.

Draco wasn't gay, however, but he found love in the green-eyed Boy-Who-Wouldn't-Die amongst the years of tormenting him and his friends. It wasn't the best situation to have, but the two somehow managed to put aside their differences. The rivalry lay dead come the boy's 7th year, and hadn't been revived unless Draco didn't get his way. He was rather demanding on occasion, but at least Harry knew what he was getting into when he got into a relationship with the blonde.

Since the day in September was so nice and poetic, Draco insisted that Harry come take a walk in the park with him. It didn't take Harry much convincing, and the two once-rivals were walking with arms linked through the multicolored foliage that was nature. Draco was positively delighted, much to Harry's amusement. The blonde seemed almost like a little kid with his enthusiasm of the colors. But that all came to an end when dusk was on the horizon.

"_Ah-choo_!" The sneeze came from Draco with such force that it doubled him over, leaving him with his brows knitted together in confusion.

"Bless you." Harry said with a little grin as he watched puzzlement overtake Draco's fair features.

The blonde turned to look up at Harry. "…I sneezed."

Harry couldn't help but laugh. Draco looked so serious when he said that! "Yes, yes you did. Maybe we should get inside, hmm?"

Draco looked at Harry as if he grew a second head. "…I don't sneeze. Malfoys don't get sick."

Harry shook his head slowly, resisting the urge to roll his eyes as Draco recited yet another of the "Malfoy Rules". He smiled gently at the blonde. "Well, let's go inside anyway. We don't want you to actually get sick." With a small tug on their linked arms, Harry led Draco back to their house they shared together. It wasn't an impressive behemoth that the Malfoy Manor was, but it wasn't a small little cottage either. The two had finally settled on a quaint two-story home. Harry couldn't stand the memories left in Grimmauld Place, so he had turned the house over to Dumbledore after the war to do with it as he pleased.

Throughout the trip, Draco was rather quiet. His thoughts focused on one little action he had made – the sneeze. _Malfoys do not get sick. Malfoys do not sneeze_. These were just some of the rules his father had lectured into him. It wasn't as if this was the first rule he broke, heavens above knew how many others. Draco smirked a little bit, gaining a lofted brow from Harry, as he counted the list of the broken rules and their time lines.

1) _Malfoys do not feel_. – Broken while in Hogwarts and many times afterwards.  
2) _Malfoys do not show emotion._ – Broken on multiple occasions during Hogwarts and after.  
3) _Malfoys do not go against the Dark Lord._ – Broken while at Hogwarts until the end of Voldemort.  
4) _Malfoys do not fall in love_. – Broken sometime during Hogwarts.  
5) _Malfoys do not scream_. – First broken at Graduation from Hogwarts. (Draco couldn't help but flat out grin as he remembered breaking that rule.)  
6) _Malfoys do not beg_. – First broken at Graduation from Hogwarts are more times afterwards.  
7) _Malfoys do not fraternize with the enemy_. – Broken multiple times.  
8) _Malfoys do not_ ---

Draco shook his head slowly, making a show to Harry about getting a lock of hair from his eyes. His thoughts were turning down a perverted corner he couldn't let it turn down just yet. It was still early. He smiled up at Harry as the raven-haired man reached out and brushed the annoying hair from his silver eyes. With a soft sigh, Draco laid his head against Harry's shoulder, his lips pursuing into a pout as a thought hit him.

Harry blinked at the sudden movement, before he furrowed his brows in confusion at Draco's pout. "What's wrong?"

Draco pursued his lips even more and tilted his head to look up at Harry with his silver eyes. "…I'm still shorter than you."

Under Draco's head, Harry's chest rumbled as he laughed. He pouted more; making certain the raven-haired man could see his delectable lips expressing his annoyance. Unfortunately, the part Harry was paying attention to was the glitter of amusement in Draco's eyes. "Are you still hung up over that? Come on, Draco, you know it only makes you cuter."

Draco's eyes widened at the jab. He pulled away from Harry and gave the man a solid thunk on the back of his head. Afterwards, he rapidly resorted to childish antics by crossing his arms over his chest and stomping his foot. "I am **not** cute!"

Broken Rule of the day #2: _Malfoys do not act childish._

Harry chuckled at the shorter blonde, leaning forward and giving him a tap on his sharp nose. Though Draco had grown older and filled into his features, he still had an aristocratic look, and his nose was still a little pointer than Harry's. Harry couldn't help but smile down at Draco as the blonde wrinkled his nose in annoyance. As they drew closer to their house, he taunted the stubborn ex-Slytherin. "Are too."

"Am not!" The stubborn reply flew instantly from the fair man's cupid-shaped lips.

"Are too." The green-eyed boy smiled even more as he led the petite blonder into the house.

"Am not! …Dammit! Harry!" Draco stomped his foot again as he realized the childish trap that Harry had brought him into. "Malfoys are no childish." He raised said pointy nose into the air as he breezed through the open door that Harry opened for him.

Harry laughed softly as he closed the door behind him and locked it. "Fine, fine. You're not cute."

Draco nodded curtly as he twirled around to face Harry, his dress robes floating around him as he did so. "Naturally. Now, what I am? For we all know that I am the most attractive man on earth, but besides that."

Harry arched a brow as he looked at his boyfriend. "... Conceited much?"

"Ha! You know you love me, Harry. So what does that make you?" The formations of a smirk quirked back the edges of his lips as he walked closer to the taller wizard.

"That makes me completely enthralled by your looks! You've got me under the spell of your incredibly sexy beauty!" Harry gushed in a falsetto voice, putting a hand to his forehead as he smirked.

"Of course." Draco smiled widely as he sauntered over towards his boyfriend, wrapping his arms around his waist. He looked up at Harry with a smile. "So long as we're clear on that…AH-CHOO!" He was forced to look down and to the side as he sneezed once again.

Harry blinked, frowning a little bit. "Hmm…I think maybe you might be coming down with something, Draco."

Draco sniffled, wiping his noise on Harry's sleeve despite the raven-haired man's protests. "….Malfoys do not get sick, Harry." He said it almost to convince himself more of the fact than this boyfriend.

Harry couldn't keep the smile off his lips as he looked down at the petite blonde. "I'm sure they don't. But you haven't been _Malfoy_ to me in a long time." Draco's mercury orbs rose and he glared at Harry for a long moment, forcing the brunette to talk again. "I think_, Draco_, that you're entitled to get sick – granted, I'm a little worried…."

Draco snorted rather dignified, a feat Harry was secretly impressed with, and shoved Harry away from him. "Hmph! Well, you're worry is misplaced. As a _Malfoy,_" He sent another glare at his boyfriend. "And considering Malfoys do not get sick, I therefore am not sick."

Harry rolled his eyes. "Good Merlin, Draco, you sound like a Ravenclaw."

Draco stared at his lover, cupid-shaped lips opening and closing like that of a gaping fish. The audacity! Though Hogwarts was behind them, Draco still felt offended to be thought of anything other than a Slytherin – being he was the unofficial Slytherin Prince and all. Being called a Ravenclaw was better than being called a Hufflepuff in Draco's mind – but the principle of the thing! How to put his rage in words? He let out a dignified huff before stomping upstairs to their bedroom.

As he stomped along, he could hear Harry stifling his laughter. Draco's perfectly pale complexion began to turn pink as the indignity flared up at being laughed at on top of insulted. He stood on the stairs for a moment, before he called down to his lover. "You are sleeping on the COUCH tonight, Mister!" He smirked smugly as he heard Harry's laughter immediately stop.

Harry's mouth dropped open as soon as he heard the threat that Draco could easily make a reality. His laughter stopped and he was soon running up the stairs after the blonde. "Draco! I'm sorry!" He saw Draco's retreating form enter their bedroom and ran faster to catch up. "Draco…" He started, only to be interrupted by the loud BANG of the door as it slammed directly in his face. He knocked politely on the door. "Draco? Darling? Light of my life?" He heard a very decisive snort through the door at the latter name. "Please don't be mad? I'm sorry! I didn't mean to offend you! Please don't make me sleep on the couch? It's cold and lonely down there."

Inside the room, Draco stood outside the door with his arms firmly crossed over his chest. "Hmph! You should have thought about that before insulting me! Apologizes won't do a---AH-CHOO!" The sneeze nearly doubled him over again, leaving him panting for breath. But this time, the sneeze wasn't over with him. "AHH-CHOO! AH-CHOOOO!" Two more rapidly followed, leaving him leaning against the door for balance with a disgusting feeling of mucus dripping from the holes of his aristocratically pointed nose.

"Draco? Draco! Are you okay? Please let me in? Please?" Harry's concern force filtered through the door crack.

Draco frowned, raising a hand to stifle the flow of disgusting pseudo-liquid falling from his nose. He acquiesced and opened the door to look at his worried boyfriend outside the door. "…I think my nose is malfunctioning."

Harry smiled, hearing Draco's words even though it was muffled by his hand before his mouth. He quickly turned his expression to become serious. "Yes, Draco. Your nose does seem to be malfunctioning. It's nothing a little rest, relaxation, and chicken noodle soup can't help."

Draco blinked at Harry. "…Chicken noodle soup?"

The brunette nodded. "Yes, it's an ancient Potter tradition for healing malfunctioning noses." Harry simply smiled yet again at the incredulous look on Draco's face. "Just get comfy and lie down. I'll be back up in a bit with some stuff to help. It's nothing to worry about, Draco."

Draco nodded slowly, before he went about doing just as Harry asked. The latter smiled and went downstairs into the kitchen to gather up some tissues and prepare a bowl of chicken noodle soup. Neither man knowing just how wrong Harry was at the time. But they would learn. Oh yes, they would learn.

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**A/N:** I felt the urge to take a break from my rather angst-filled story (After the End) and write some humor! I've rarely written humor, actually, so this was a new thing to me. The idea came and amused me so immensely; I felt the urge to share! This was originally going to be a one-shot, but I couldn't do it! And no, I have nothing against Ravenclaws – If I weren't so Slytherin, that's the house I'd be in as well. :D 


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